Kontrollbeteende
“For those who were raised in dysfunctional families, boundaries and limit-setting are important issues. This is true for those who had overprotective or controlling caregivers as well as for those who suffered abuse or were abandoned. Under the guise of having the child’s best interest at heart, overprotective parents hover like surveillance helicopters or smother the child with demands and pressures. As one man put it, “My mother was all over me like a blanket, always prying and meddling in my life.”
Overprotective parents themselves have an abandoned and terrified Inner Child. They see the world through fear-colored glasses, obsess about all manner of real or imagined dangers. What results is an atmosphere of anxiety and vigilance in the home. Such parents never cease to remind their children about the menaces lurking around every corner. They make mountains out of molehills and create chronic tension in the child. This is not healthy protectiveness. It is CONTROL. It usually creates submissiveness and depression in the child, active rebellion, or a pattern of over-responsibility in which the child takes care of the parent.
Instead of being there to “protect and serve," the overprotective parent disempowers others, making them feel incapable of managing their own lives or taking care of themselves. Children of overprotective parents may suffer as much as children who were neglected or physically violated. They grow up without developing healthy boundaries, so their boundaries become very fuzzy. They are used to being swallowed up and given no privacy or separateness. They may wear a suit of armor to defend against invasion of their personal space. In close relationships many of these individuals flip back and forth between two extremes: fusing with others prematurely and then pushing them away abruptly. E
Either way there is rigidity, reactiveness, and a sense of not having a choice in the matter. This relationship pattern becomes a habit that is repeated compulsively over and over again. The development of both a Nurturing Parent and Protective Parent Within can help to change this compulsive pattern.
Needless to say, survivors of child abuse and neglect are sorely in need of protection. Again, they will need to look for and find it inside. Otherwise they can spend a lifetime looking for someone else to be their Protective Parent. This freezes them in the role of helpless victim and never gets to the roots of their feelings of abandonment and emptiness.”
(LUCIA CAPACCHIONE i boken ”Recovery of your Inner Child”)
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