Forgiveness fortsättning
I have seen this happen many times in my own life and in the lives of people I see in counseling. Recently I was feeling stuck in my relationship with my wife. Try as I might, I could not seem to forgive her or generate any good will toward her. So after wrestling with it for a while, I saw that I was trying hard to be some way I wasn’t. I decided to take things as they were. Quickly feelings began to emerge. I felt anger, then more anger, then I felt a layer of deep hurt. As I let myself experience these feelings, I began to feel lighter in my body and mind. A sense of satisfaction came over me. Then for a day or two I did not think about the situation much at all. Suddenly one morning I realized that I felt good will toward her again. I felt again that warmth and well-wishing toward her that I like to feel. I think I came naturally to that space by giving up the effort to forgive and being willing to deal with whatever was there.
Surely this lesson must be one of the most difficult we have to learn. It seems that our whole lives have been spent learning how to deny or ignore our own experience in order to impose some ideal state upon it. There is nothing particularly sacred about our own experience, but if we deny or ignore it, we will have to come back later and deal with it in some way. If we forgive someone or turn the other cheek at our own expense, we will not feel satisfied, and we will miss out on the beauty of the experience of true forgiveness.
Spontaneous, organic forgiveness takes place free of effort. It flows naturally when we achieve completeness with feelings with which we were previously incomplete. In short, forgiveness flows from being willing to know the truth and tell the truth.”
(GAY HENDRICKS i boken ”Learning to love yourself”)
Surely this lesson must be one of the most difficult we have to learn. It seems that our whole lives have been spent learning how to deny or ignore our own experience in order to impose some ideal state upon it. There is nothing particularly sacred about our own experience, but if we deny or ignore it, we will have to come back later and deal with it in some way. If we forgive someone or turn the other cheek at our own expense, we will not feel satisfied, and we will miss out on the beauty of the experience of true forgiveness.
Spontaneous, organic forgiveness takes place free of effort. It flows naturally when we achieve completeness with feelings with which we were previously incomplete. In short, forgiveness flows from being willing to know the truth and tell the truth.”
(GAY HENDRICKS i boken ”Learning to love yourself”)
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