Inner Child and Inner Parent: "Charity begins at home"
”We nurture and protect the Child Within by calling forth a part of us called the Inner Parent. This Parent Within learns how to do its job from our own parents or caregivers in childhood. If they were good models of healthy parenting, then we develop a strong and loving Inner Parent. But if we have had inadequate parenting in childhood, we don’t know what a healthy parent-child relationship feels like. For this reason, people who were raised in dysfunctional families have great difficulty responding to the needs of their Inner Child. The Inner Child of such an adults is often very sad or angry. An Inner Child has to fend for itself resents not having Inner Parents to help and guide it. When it looks for care and protection, nobody’s home. Ultimately the Child is left feeling frightened, sad, angry, lonely, and empty.
The paradox is that many adults whose Inner Child is abandoned do have well-developed nurturing and protective abilities. But unfortunately they have turned these abilities outward toward others. They nurture and protect everyone but themselves. Their family members, friends, neighbors, employers, coworkers, clients all come first. Their Inner Child comes last.
In childhood, many of these individuals had to be “little parents” to their siblings or to their real parents. They had to do this in order to survive. But unfortunately, they continue in adulthood to rescue others, when it is no longer necessary for survival. The rewards for being a rescuer are many: approval from others, jobs, money. After all, rescuers are so handy to have around. They are often dependable, hard workers.
Certainly there is nothing wrong with dependability, but when it is used exclusively for the benefit of others, to the detriment of the Inner Child, then something is very wrong. There is an old phrase, “Charity begins at home.” What good is it to care for others when one’s own Inner Child is locked up at home starving to death?”
(LUCIA CAPACCHIONE i boken ”Recovery of your Inner Child”)
The paradox is that many adults whose Inner Child is abandoned do have well-developed nurturing and protective abilities. But unfortunately they have turned these abilities outward toward others. They nurture and protect everyone but themselves. Their family members, friends, neighbors, employers, coworkers, clients all come first. Their Inner Child comes last.
In childhood, many of these individuals had to be “little parents” to their siblings or to their real parents. They had to do this in order to survive. But unfortunately, they continue in adulthood to rescue others, when it is no longer necessary for survival. The rewards for being a rescuer are many: approval from others, jobs, money. After all, rescuers are so handy to have around. They are often dependable, hard workers.
Certainly there is nothing wrong with dependability, but when it is used exclusively for the benefit of others, to the detriment of the Inner Child, then something is very wrong. There is an old phrase, “Charity begins at home.” What good is it to care for others when one’s own Inner Child is locked up at home starving to death?”
(LUCIA CAPACCHIONE i boken ”Recovery of your Inner Child”)
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